Thursday 25 February 2010

The House!!!!! Arggghhh

For anyone that wants to read it this is the first 1000ish words of my short story for my creative writing class. Enjoy!



His eyes strained against themselves to open. Patterns next to his face started to shift into focus. Where was this place? What was that? Blood? It was red. Maybe he could just fall back to sleep for a little while. . . No! He had to get up.
The floor he was lying on was smooth and cool and as he pushed himself onto his hands and knees he realised it wasn’t blood, the floor was pattered red. Red, black, yellow and a multitude of other colours all woven together into intricate shapes and designs. He leant back on his legs and checked himself over. Nothing felt broken and other than a head that felt like it had been stamped on he felt ok. Well ok considering he was, well that was still to be decided.
He stood up and glanced around, the walls all around were a dark panelled oak, like a wooden fortress, topped with a blinding white ceiling. Hanging elegantly down was a massive chandelier that appeared to be the source of the light in the gloomy, windowless room. Looking around he started to panic, there didn’t seem to be anyway of getting out. Trying to quell the rising wave of frenzy he frantically looked around when a glint in the corner of the room caught his eye. He made his way cautiously over to it. Perfectly hidden by the shadows of the oak giants was a small, shiny gold knob, holding a tiny golden key in it’s centre. He edged the key around and the entire wooden panel shook. Great grinding sounds from within the wall echoed round the room, like concrete grinding. Then light pierced the gloom as the entire panel from floor to ceiling swung open booming down the corridor. The noise scared him, he was terrified anyone, anything could have heard that and was now on their way, here, to him. Struck with fear he remained stationed on the spot.
When he was mostly certain nothing was coming for him he moved tentatively out into the gigantic hallway. Like the room before it was grand, clearly part of a mansion; it was devoid of furnishings of any kind. It had a strange, creepy kind of atmosphere. He imagined it was booby trapped and treaded carefully. Again there were no windows, the walls were of the same polished oak. However the doors here were obvious. Huge sculpted blocks of wood, ornate and hypnotising. The metal patterns covering them wove into different shapes as he looked at them. A mermaid’s hair became the top of a twister which entwined itself with a leopards tail whose face became the mask of a warrior whose sword exploded into a rocket . . .
He tore himself away, knowing that to keep looking would mean he could never escape; he would be forever lost in hypnosis of metal. He avoided looking at the other doors, yet instinctively knew he had to open them in order to find a way out. He continued down the corridor then paused at something different to the rest of the hallway, opposite each other were two beautiful women painted onto the surface on the wall. There were blue and from the way they were painted appeared to be translucent. He stood in awe marvelling at the craftsmanship of the blue ladies when one of them turned her head to look directly at him. His eyes widened and he jumped back ready to run. The blue woman began to detach herself from the wall, passing through it like a wraith. Her body rippled and undulated as she became a separate entity from the wall. When she finished she stood in front of him, beautiful and striking, appearing to float on blue mist stemming from the floor. He edged backwards when a cool sensation brushed the nape of his neck. He realised the other woman would have detached herself too. She flowed round him, stroking his cheek as she passed to stand by her sapphire sister. Her finger had left a cold streak and as he wiped it, it was wet. They were made from water.
“Hello traveller,” said the first water lady. “ You have entered The House. What brings you here?” Her voice ebbed like the waves, flowing from booming to barely audible.
“Erm , I don’t know. I just sort of woke up here.” He replied. “Where is here exactly?”
The sisters giggled; a sound similar to the whispering sea at night. “You’re in The House,” replied the second sister.
“The House?”
“The House indeed. It’s been a while since we had anyone new or this handsome.” She eddied forward and stroked his chest. Again her fingers left a wetness on his top. They sisters began to slip around him, circling him like vultures.
“And how do I get out of The House?” He said wincing from their touches.
“Don’t you like it here?” the first sister hissed like a wave crashing on rock. “It doesn’t matter anyway, no one ever gets out.”
“Maybe he will sister. Someone has to.” Her voice the sound of roaring waves. They had began circling so fast he couldn’t see the walls anymore just the blur of swirling water.
“Maybe he’s not supposed to escape but help the rest of us!”
“Or perhaps just help the one.” They were churning so fast they threatened to engulf him whole. They were rising too like a furious tidal wave, the sound deafening, when they swiftly slammed themselves back into the walls screaming like harpies. They had assumed their original forms leaving only a circle of water around where he stood.
He stood trembling unsure of what to do next. He didn’t want to meet any other things. Maybe he should try one of the doors. Whilst he stood deciding a sound reached his ears. A sort of choking, breathless sob as if someone was running or crying or both. The next thing he knew a girl had flew through the wall and had cannoned into the wall opposite. Before he could react to this a soldier charged through the wall bearing down upon the girl. He was angular in every sense, clothes, face, sword, hair. He looked inhuman almost as if anything but a straight edge would be an insult. He drew out his sword with a sound like cracking glass and lunged at the cowering girl.

Wednesday 24 February 2010

The wonder of Glee!

I know what you may be thinking, oh god it's glee. For the people that like it you'll probably be thinking yaaay! I myself am thinking yaaay. There's a big divide betwen those who like it and those who, well hate it. Most people will probably not be so shocked that i like it, people prancing about and singing, seems very me.

Let me tell you i WAS surprised myself that i liked it being in premise and events similar to high school musical (grrrr) which i absolutely hate! I deplore that film, i watched 10 minutes of it and felt i'd aged about 15 years. Also if one shite film wasn't bad enough then they made two more pieces of crap. Oh for fuck sakes. Anyway less of high shit musical. So basically what happened was that i saw the adverts for Glee and it was classed as 'The new American Hit Series.' I though i may as well give it a go and if i hated it i'd stop watching. Simples *weird mouth noise* However it turns out the night it was on i was at work so i wasn't all that bothered about missing it. Fate didn't let me get away that easily. I was on my break flicking through the 5 channels they have, when i came across singing and dancing and slushie throwing. I realised 'ahhh it's Glee, I'll leave this on.'

I watched the last 15 minutes of the first episode happily enough when they started singing their gripping rendition of 'Don't Stop Believin.' From that exact moment on i was hooked. I loved it, it put a smile on my face. I watched the first 15 minutes of the second episode and then sadly had to return to work. I kept doing this vicious circle of: work when it was on, catch bits of it, see the adverts yet miss the majority of the episode. Yet i was hooked so one night i looked it up on the net and found a site with all the first 13 episodes. It was a great night. I then proceeded to download all of the songs from the show, which yes i do listen to on a regular basis.

So that's how i found out about it but this is why, in my opinion, it's a great show. It's got it's downfalls, like every show. The characters are totally cliched and very American, there's not even a posh British person included. Some of the events are hard to believe or rather the characters belief in these events are hard to believe: who'd believe their little swimmers could swim across a jacuzzi because it was 'the right temperature.' And how do you not find out your wife is faking a pregnancy? Yet despite these it's pure comedy gold. Even the stupid events make for a laugh. I especially loved it when Mercedes threw a brick through Kurt's window (how did she not gather he was gay?!) and then began to sing about it. Legend.

It's just pure escapism. There's really no violence in it. It's a happy show. You feel for the characters and their situations and it even touches upon traumatic incidents, teenage pregnancy and coming out, which i feel is brave for a comedy, musical show. It's filled with killer 1 liners, 'I was aroused, then furious,' and is just, no pun intended, full of glee.

So boys and girls i am pleased and proud to admit that i am a fully fledged Gleek!
Don't stop believin'.

Dream eating and women in white.

Me again! Obviously it's my blog, haha.


To start me off i'll go for the thing us English students should enjoy most: BOOKS! The first of these is called 'The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters.' It is my favourite novel, as some people should know. It's a tad hard to describe or even place among the genres of other novels. It's sort of thriller, fantasy, Victorian, erotic, etc, It has many varied styles. It took me a few times to actually start reading it and i was utterly engrossed when it happened. It follows the events of three characters, Miss Temple, Cardinal Chang and Dr Svenson and how they get entangled in the diabolical plans of an evil Cabal. Now in this tiny description i probably haven't given it justice because it is a fantastic read. The language can be a little hard (though that may just be me :P) but the story is so intense and gripping you can practically bypass anything that you dislike about it.

My second book is one i had to read for Uni called 'The Woman in White.' This isn't my favourite, obviously as the one above is but it was one of my favourite old novels. Written by Wilkie Collins this novel again is gripping. Within the first 10 pages you are engrossed by a mystery of this woman in white. I can't praise the story in this enough, it's a large novel, don't get me wrong but i was not bored once. I loved it. Once the initial mystery is solved there's more in store when it turns out there's an even bigger plot twist in store. There's narration, diaries, letters, loads basically! For anyone that likes mystery, go read it and anyone that likes any other type of novel, read it too. :D

Herpes man... funny/strange/scary

Ok so i mentioned in one of my earlier blogs something about a herpes man. Now most of my friends already know this story but for those of you on here that don't, here it is:

I was on my way to work one day, i think a year or so ago. A female friend had just got off the bus on the opposite side of the road. I had my ear phones in so naturally as we passed we just waved at each other and i carried on lightly bopping around. The next thing i know there's a man, holding a can of cheap lagar, stumbling over to me mouthing something almost incoherently. I tentatively take out my ear phone, 'Sorry, what was that?'
'Ahhh i saw that! I saw you waving at her. Ey ey.'
At this point i seriously regret taking out my sanctuary of music but i politely smile and reply, ' Oh no she's just a friend from school.' I hope this is enough to squash his curiosity and he can walk away. Or he can call me a queer and punch me. Either way i'd be happy for him to piss off. I even try to be less than subtle and put one ear phone back in and look around obviously for a bus. This pisshead, much to my chagrin, doesn't take the hint and continues to babble at me. Not wanting to anger a drunk man i let him talk, answering with the obligatory, 'Yeah, oh right, uh hu.'
His babbling continues until the savior (or so i thought) of the bus arrives. I practically run to it and dive on. I hide on the seat about half-way up with the barrier in front of it and duck down. No luck. He gets on and hunts me down again. I then realise i'll have to put up with this for the whole of my 20 min bus ride.
Now clearly this guy is a crazy drunk but he tries, in his own 'special' way to offer me advice. I think he thought that i had crappy parents and no education because the things he told me were the obvious things you learn growing up. However for any of you curious here are a drunks 'valuable' life lessons:
1) Don't sleep around.
2)Be Good to women
3)If you're in a relationship, don't cheat
4)Always use a condom

So by this point i'm a tad annoyed he's telling me things i've known for years until he he reiterates the last point again and again because (and here's the corker of the conversation) the one time, he didn't use a condom and now he has herpes. . .

I think at this point my eyes widened in surprise/horror and i visibly move away from Mr STI. But he's not done there. As if telling a complete stranger something about your crotch that really should be kept secret isn't bad enough he then tells me more about his sad sad situation. Apparently he's too embarrassed to got to the doctor so it keeps flaring up. This mean he can't have sex with his wife because how did he contract this disease? He cheated! Hence the earlier advice. So now i'm siting next to a philandering, STI infected, drunk. Great. I honestly didn't know what to say, i don't want to say anything that could sound offensive, he'd probably smack me in the face. So i just nod and agree his situation sucks (It was blatantly his own fault). So then he keeps telling me over and over not to play around and always use a condom.
You have no idea how much i loved West Bromwich bus station when we pulled into it. I hooped up and ran to my next bus and thankfully Herpes Man went in the opposite direction.
So that was a very VERY strange situation for me to be a part of. I did learn that ... you should never take out your earphones when a drunk comes calling!

Always use a condom :)

Sunday 21 February 2010

Those weird little things...

It struck me today whilst at work that i need to write about something weird. Now don't get me wrong weirdness is practically built in with me but I didn't really feel like writing about myself for a whole blog.
So i was thinking hard about what to write, herpes man was a popular topic. Then as happens to most things i think about i forgot and was filling in a book for work that basically tells me how to do the job i've been doing for 2 and a half years. One of the questions was:
'What would you do in this situation: a couple in their thirties sits down and orders steak. The woman calls you over and says, 'My steak is burned, i asked for it medium rare and it looks very well done.'
I put, as a joke, 'just eat it you silly bitch.' Which both then and now has made me crease. I then told tammy and jess, both of whom found it funny so i laughed again. I then proceeded to keep laughing at a couple of minute intervals at the same thing, only made worse by putting other stupid things in the book. We got in a taxi to go home and after thinking to myself that i had done well in not laughing for a while.... disaster! I then began to chuckle to myself so i looked out of the window to hide this. I thought about it some more and started to laugh out loud, making me laugh more. I did this for ten minutes.
So after all that my weird thing is why do the stupidest of things make us laugh? It's not even a universal thing, stupid little things usually only make a person laugh. It never makes sense that something that isn't even that funny can strike back a while later (days in my case) but when it does you're usually left on your own laughing with several people giving you strange looks because you've bursted out laughing for no apparent reason. Even now as i'm writing this i keep chuckling away because of writing 'just eat it you silly bitch.' Why? I have no idea but it makes life interesting.

So i'll leave you on one of my favorite weird laugh things from one of my closest friends whilst she was at work:
'Ok thanks, see you, bye.'

Thursday 18 February 2010

Success!!!

Isn't it good that i've just figured out how to actually change the title of my blog soooooo that means, crazy cats, that my title is actually right at the moment. Yaaaay! How good am i? :P

Me the retard

Well i've only just noticed that the title of my blog is strories of superheroes not stories of superheroes. Let me assure you all that it was meant to be spelled right i'm just not the best at spelling when it comes to typing. I also feel this is weird because i didn't notice until this point that i had spelled it wrong. I feel like a tit now and people are probably going to think the same, if they didn't already! :D

Tuesday 16 February 2010

Overheard conversation.

'Yo what time is it now then?'
pause
'Yeh ok i'll be home by 12 then.'

Rant!!!!!

From what we did today i've been told to rant. It's not very often i do this so i have to make myself angry. One of the main events that make me angry (stressed mostly too) is my work! I mean seriously how shit is that place ask anyone that's worked there for an extended period of time, it's utterly terrible.
The pricks i have the 'pleasure' of serving are some of the most ungrateful, hate filled, stuck up arseholes i've ever met. They moan about having a jet black hair in their food when the two chefs that are on are male with short hair and hats! Love look at your own hair, it's hanging past your shoulders, dripping on your food and oh look at that it's jet fucking black!!!! Then i have this total twat of a man complaining saying i hid his hot chocolate from him so he couldn't see what i was doing. Did i fuck! I left it on the side all the time, i went into the kitchen to get the cream which you know he wanted in the first place. I did enjoy the fact my manager called him a prick as he walked away though. Plus if you always complain about the place then don't fucking come here you dick! There are other restaurants in the world, go be a wanker to them.