Apocalypse!

After a recent facebook incident with a zombie quiz (again i apologise, especially to kurt) i got to thinking about what i and other people would do if a zombie attack would actually happen. I know that some of my friends are terrified of this happening so maybe this blog will offer them some advice on how to survive.

Me personally i would like to think that i'd become one of those mega bad asses that get loads of guns and shoots the walking dead to smithereens. So this is my fantasy about waking up to find the world has been infected with zombieism:


I wake up and get that weird feeling that something is wrong, deep down in my gut. Still i tell myself it's just a feeling and head downstairs. As i reach the landing there are blood stains all on the walls and i hear a kind of squelching sound. My heart starts to race but i brave it and walk towards the squelch. I walk into the bathroom and find my sister, with the side of her face missing, devouring the contents of my dad's stomach. I scream, as you do, alerting my zombie sibling. She growls at me and makes a grab for me. I turn and run the computer room aiming to get up the ladders into my room whilst the zombie stumbles after me. I slam the door into her making her fall backwards and barricade the door. I calm myself and think how i'm going to get out of this. I go upstairs and get dressed (in something kooky because no one now cares what people look like) and get the weapons that i have, knives, daggers, gun, etc. So in super cool gear and armed up i go to face my dead sister.
I pull away the barricade and in she lunges. I crack her on the head with the butt of my gun and then shoot her dead in the face. Instant kill. Sorry sis. I decide to get in the car and find some more weapons and if applicable some living people. I make my way down stairs. As i pass the bathroom Zombie dad attacks me. I fall to the floor in panic, wrestle out a blade whilst holding his mouth away and stab him in the head. After pushing him off me i go downstairs. i'm being very cautious and i hear a choked moan in the front room. I enter ti find my mom staring out the window. She looks normal and relief floods through me. I hopefully walk forward, reach out and touch her shoulder, 'Mom, are you ok? Something crazy is happening!' No luck here she turns round with a gaping hole in her chest. She growls and tries to grab me. I fall over in typical American horror flick style, losing my knife and gun (obviously). I shuffle backwards as zombie mom ambles forward, hunger blazing in her eyes. She advances on me, in a rush i kick out; i shatter her knee cap and she collapses on the floor. I stand up but she grabs my leg and raises her mouth. I struggle then kick her in the head: i hear a load crack and she goes limp. After the realisation of what i've just done kicks in i heave and then vomit. I come to the conclusion that what i did was necessary, and resolve to carry on living.

Back to me, i know this blog is a bit long so i'll end it there ... for now. I shall continue my zombie adventure soon so stay tuned.
Oh and this post is dedicated to Matt Frost, our resident zombie nut and Kurt Rees, who can use this advice to survive on the slim chance it ever happens.